Friday, November 18, 2016
What I've Learned As A Newlywed.
Oh you guys, today is supposed to be my Oh Hey, Friday! post but I just need to clear my heart and mind instead. I've always said that I won't share marriage advice on my blog, I thought it was pretty lame to talk about a subject i'm not experienced in, after all, I've only been married a year and two months but my aim is to always be true to myself and my readers so I decided to share every raw and real moment with you.
I feel like that moment in Father of the Bride where Steve Martin is talking about his daughter's wedding.
I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. Boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say I do. I was wrong. That's getting married. A wedding is an entirely different proposition. I know. I've just been through one. Not my own, my daughter's.
My wedding day was the absolute best day of my life, aside from the day my son was born but there are are days I wonder if i'm doing this mom & wife life thing right. Most days I feel like i'm rocking it but every once in a while I question myself and since there are no manuals to either of these roles I fill, I find myself sitting down and writing through my feelings. This morning as I was brushing my teeth, making my coffee, and finishing my son's lunch for school I was frantically scribbling an entry in my journal the entire time. It's not like my marriage is on the rocks or my son is headed for trouble. It's none of that, it's totally a me thing. I want to take it all on and be Wonder Woman in all aspects of my life. I want to do it all and without help. I want a picture perfect, cozy home. I want all the laundry to be done, house to be spotless, blog posts written for an entire week, dinner to be on the stove. I want my husband to come home from work and not have to lift a finger but in reality this never happens. Not because I don't try but because I try too hard yet sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough. I want to be able to pour my heart and soul into taking care of my husband and son's every needs and keeping the house clean and dinner cooked every night. I want to pour my heart and soul into blogging and blossoming friendships; both on line and in real life and I want to chase my dreams, too.
My marriage isn't in trouble, my child isn't in trouble but I'll confess that being a wife and mom are equally the hardest and happiest roles I'll ever have in my life. They say "if you want to know where your heart is; look where your mind wanders." My mind wanders to the two loves of my life when we aren't together. I wonder what class my son is in now? Who is he talking to? Is he laughing? Did his chicken noodle soup stay warm for lunch today? I wonder if my husband is in his office or is he at a doctor's practice? I wonder what he's having for lunch? I miss not being able to pack his lunch for him. I wonder if he and his friend slipped off to REI on their lunch break? That's where my mind wanders when we aren't together so I think it's safe to say, that's where my heart is. That's why I do what I do. Why I sacrifice the things I do with nothing but heart, soul, and love. I want to make sure that they know I care enough to make sure they have clean clothes, a ride where they need to go, a warm meal on the table every night, fresh sheets on the bed, & a clean house to share memories in. One day I hope my family looks back and realizes that I was always there for them and my job was them and never once did I regret it. I wake up every morning and start on the chores that need to be done and often times I don't quit until my head hits the pillows. I think most wives and moms can relate.
Last night I spent a good part of the night fighting back the tears away all because my husband said not to get him anything for Christmas.
Christmas is my favorite holiday ever and it holds more meaning since we started dating and got engaged around Christmas. My reply back to him was, "fine, don't get me anything either." Of course he said he was going to and of course we will still celebrate and I will get him something, too but my heart was absolutely crushed at the thought of not celebrating. Now, we can blame these emotions on Aunt Flo. I really wish God would allow me to get pregnant or I could just loose her altogether. She makes me one moody girl and I don't even like myself when she's in town so God bless my poor husband for putting up with me while she makes her monthly trip.
The thing I learned through this little emotional outburst is this: marriage is hard. It's probably harder than being a mom, if I'm being honest. At least with being a mom you have the excuse "Because i'm the mom, that's why" to use. You can't really use that on your husband though. I like to think that my husband & I have a wonderful, open relationship and are very good at communicating when we disagree.
We talk, we figure it out and we resolve it pretty easily. We have an amazing foundation built on 13 years of pure friendship before we ever dated but that doesn't mean that we don't still have our moments. I, especially, have my moments of being extra sensitive and being nit picky. The thing is, we all deal with it in one way or another. Nobody is perfect 100% of the time. It's hard when you're trying to figure out how to join two lives into one. Sometimes you feel like you're walking on eggshells and trying not to hurt the other person's feelings but that's not how you should approach those raw, emotional moments. Cry, let it out but more importantly, talk it out. I'm definitely no marriage expert but I will share with you the best advice I have. It's this; If I can tell you anything i've learned about marriage, or any relationship really, communication is key. Don't hold on to those moments until they become so pent up in you that you have outbursts at each other. Then the fight over the shoes in the middle of the floor you just vacuumed becomes about something bigger. If you need something from your spouse don't be afraid to say it to him or her.
Marriage isn't just having a sleep over every night with your best friend. It's raw, it's real and it's emotional but there are so many great things about being married, too. Like having a snuggle buddy for life and dancing together in the kitchen while you're cooking dinner. On the weekends it's having him make me that perfect cup of coffee in the mornings and spend the day with me making the most mundane errands a little more fun. We balance each other out; I'm the pink in his camo world, he's the rock & roll in my country world. Together we laugh and grow and raise our tribe. Don't get so caught up walking on eggshells that you miss the small, happy moments.