It's all messy.

Hi Peachies! I want to be real with you all for a minute. If you want to see rainbows and unicorns then go on and scroll past, that's okay. I'm not offended but when I started this blog I wanted to be real with myself, with my readers, with anyone who happens upon my little corner of the internet. Before my family and friends freak out and start blowing up my phone and Facebook account with messages of "are you okay?" "what's wrong?" I just want to say that everything is fine, everything is peachy, I just need to get some things off my chest and since my intention with my blog is to be real I want to share it with everyone who happens to be reading this. My blog is 99.9% all things happy and cheerful because my life really is that way. I know, it can't always be sunshine and peonies and whatever makes your heart happy so let's be honest.

I'm sitting on my couch in a cami and shorts, hair up in some weird messy bun, no make up on. I haven't even showered yet today. My living room looks like a, well, a mess. My kitchen, the same. In fact every room in my house looks like a tornado hit it. The saying is "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". I came to the conclusion today that i'm insane. I do the same thing over and over everyday. I clean, I cook, and when I happen to find a minute I blog or do something I actually enjoy and the only thing that changes is the amount of the mess that accumulates and grows. I try not to care but truth is, I do care. Taking care of the house and the family is my job. I get to stay home so I can do just that so I do take it seriously. Maybe too seriously but with all the bad going on in the world today our home is our safe haven. It's where we can be safe and protected.

Every single morning before I get out of bed, I pray that the Lord please watch over my loved ones through out the day. Keep them safe, keep them protected from evil, bring them home at the end of the day. My husband says to me "I can protect myself" and I know he can but the thing is that I prefer he not have to. This world we live in is full of evil. You can watch the news on any given day and see multiple reports of people killing and abusing other people and it breaks my heart. To be honest it scares me, too. I prefer not to even watch the news and lately, Facebook is just as bad. Most social media is. It's not that I don't want to be aware of what's going on in this world, I do for my son's sake. To know what to tell him and what to talk to him about but I do not want to obsess and dwell on it either.

I watched the coverage on the attacks in Paris on Friday night, as it was un-folding. I've seen it every morning on Good Morning America. My husband was glued to it all weekend. My Mom is glued to it, too but for me, it's too much. I can't handle all the obsessive negativity that comes along with it. It's real, it's getting closer to home and I believe we should remain vigilant but I will no longer be glued to the coverage. I will no longer listen to the news reports or briefings. Instead I will pray and turn my attention to Jesus because this issue is bigger than me, it's bigger than you, it's bigger than any single person on this planet.

Yesterday was one of those days when I couldn't sit still. I couldn't focus on anything at all. Not even my hobbies. Not even blogging. I've got two posts in my drafts folder that were scheduled for yesterday and today but they just didn't feel right. My heart wasn't in them so instead of posting something that I wasn't into I decided to give it a rest yesterday. This morning, I sat down and this is what came out of my heart so I typed. It's real, it's honest, it's not perfect, it's all messy. Right now the life, the hair, the house, it's all messy but this is what was speaking to me. This is what I needed to do. What I needed to say.

Since yesterday was one of those days when I couldn't sit still and focus on anything I got myself ready, left the house, and went to Target. Thinking a trip to my favorite store would shake me out of the funk I was in. It helped a little but not enough so I took my gift certificate
I had won and went to Starbucks to buy myself a treat. That didn't help, though the brownie peppermint cake pops were a nice little delicious treat of sugary goodness.

Here's my Instagram post for the day, it was my Day 16 of #30daysoflittlethings Instagram challenge.

{Day 16} Today was one of those that I had a heavy heart & was in a funk. I couldn't shake it. I knew I couldn't just sit around the house feeling blah so I got dressed and went to Target, The place of all things happy! I bought a few things & looked at all the Christmas decorations. It helped but I still felt blah because truth is, the things that are making me feel this way are things that I can't shop away. It's the world we live in, it's the terrorist attacks in Paris & all over the world. It's cancer & knowing my best friend is hurting because she just lost her Mom to cancer over the weekend. It's all these things that are out of my control that had me feeling that way but when I picked my son up from school & we spent time in the yard with the dogs, running, playing & soaking in the gorgeous weather everything felt right. I finally felt better. Of course I realize I can't control the things that have me sad & anxious but I did realize that I have so many wonderful things and people, in my life, to be thankful for. So i'm thankful for that & for the moments I share with them. I'm also thankful for a God who watches over me & keeps me safe my whole life through. #30daysoflittlethings

See, none of the things I did or bought worked. They weren't a magic cure all that I enjoyed and suddenly everything was all better. Life isn't always that easy. Sometimes those things work but when the matters at heart are heavy material things don't work. It wasn't until I spent time with my son and the dogs (living beings who matter) that my attitude changed. I believe God was showing me what really mattered and what really makes me happy through them. Sometimes we just need to "Be still and know that I am God" -Psalms 46:10 He will handle all of our heart matters, all of our doubts, and fears if we stop fighting Him and let it go with full confidence that it will be handled.

With all of these things in my life that were making me feel full of fear and anxiety it was hard to let it go. I think I'm Super Woman and should never ask for help. I want to do it all myself, like there's some kind of award at the end of the month for that. There's not and we're not meant to take on the world alone. That's why we have families, friends, children, husbands/wives, boyfriends/girlfriends. That's why we have each other and that's why we have God. You're never alone. If you ever think you are, send me an e-mail, I'll be there for you.

As for Paris, they'll be in my prayers in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead. Always. But i've learned to not become so enthralled with the coverage 24/7 and make myself so anxious that I can't focus on anything else. It's a paralyzing thing if you let it take over so today i'm not. I'm done letting everything that worries me and controls me in this way have control. My God is bigger than my problems. My focus needs to be on what really matters most. The people I have in my life, because one day you'll turn around and they'll be gone. This I have learned the hardest way possible over the last few years, especially.

If you have someone in your life that you love and can't imagine life without, hug them a little tighter today. If you can't hug them then call them or send them a card in the mail. Just let them know that you are thinking of them because in a world like ours, nothing is guaranteed. So put aside all the things that don't matter and focus on what really does. You'll be happier that you did. Trust me.

And always #PrayforParis. Always #PrayforPeace. Always #PrayforaCure.

But most of all, no matter what you do, try to find the best in everything. It's okay to step outside and get some fresh air sometimes. It's okay to admit that you aren't Super Woman and ask for help. It's okay to take a time out for you. Just remember "Be still and know."

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