Create In Me...

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." -Psalm 51:10 Lately I've been in a pretty deep funk. I have the love of my life, an amazing son, a wonderful family and more material goods than any person ever really needs. I try to keep a positive outlook on life and find something daily to be thankful for (that's not hard) but sometimes it's hard to keep the negativity of others at bay.

This morning I was zoned out, thinking so deeply about life that I forgot where I was going and about turned into the gas station instead of taking my son to school. I caught myself before I turned but then quickly realized that I was too consumed with things that didn't matter in that moment and not focused on what I was doing. Growing up my mom always said to me "No matter where you are be 100% in that moment. If you're sitting at church don't be thinking about what needs to be done at home." I realize now that I've not been 100% in any moments in life lately. It's tough to juggle all that we do sometimes as moms, fiancées, wives, daughters, sisters, etc. but that doesn't give us an excuse not to. It's time for me to step up my game and be in the moment and also to be a better person in general.

I've developed this "you don't do things for me so I won't do things for you attitude" and that's not the way I was raised. If there's one thing I admire about my mom (and there are actually a lot) it's her selflessness. Sometimes it's to a fault and I have to remind her that it's okay to take a step back and focus on her but she's the most generous and giving person I know. I want to be more like her, I need to be more like her and that's why the scripture above really resonates with me. This morning it was stuck in my head, out of no where and I believe it was a message from God because I need him, because I'm not perfect but He loves me anyway and only He can help me.

There's another scripture that is sticking with me lately and it's this; "Her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart." -Luke 6:45.

The things that come from my mouth aren't always kind or even lady like all the time. There are times I'm not even sure who I am. It's time to change this too because I see my reflection in my son's behavior and actions and I'm not sure I like that at all. Yes, we're entering the pre-teen years (another reason I need God) but I want him to be a happy, loving, generous person. One habit we're going to work on breaking is talking about others. The Bible teaches us that if we spend our time judging others we have no time to love them. That's true and granted, there are people who are no longer in our lives but that doesn't mean I don't wish them well. It simply means I've moved on.

What I'm learning is that sometimes being happy means more than just finding something to be happy for daily, it means making changes and being present in the moment and loving people no matter how they treat you. It's not my place to judge anyone but it is my place to just love them.

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