Growing Friendships as Adults

Something that has been on my heart and mind a lot lately is friendships. In high school I had a group of four girlfriends and we were inseparable. We were together every chance we could get. Friday nights were spent at our favorite mexican restaurant, eating way too much queso and laughing and talking for hours. We'd go to Wal-Mart and spend hours there finding make up and cd's we just couldn't live without (this was a small town without Target at the time, y'all). We have a million memories together.




In my early twenties we started becoming mommies and settling down. Way less going to clubs and more trips to the zoo with our littles in tow when we weren't switching out babysitting duties while one or the other of us went to work or college. Friendships were so easy, even as we started to grow our little families but over the last few years, as we've gotten married and some of us have brought more babies into our families, we all lost touch. Two of the girls I don't even keep in touch with because, as life would have it, bridges were burned. Even though we've all moved on, the three of us moved on in different directions.

Now that i'm in my thirties i'm way less interested in the quantity of friends I have and more interested in the quality of friends I allow into my life because i'm not just allowing them to be a part of my life, i'm allowing them to be part of my husband and son's lives, too. Each friend is part of my story but i'm more aware of the kind of people I want to be in this chapter of my life. It's hard to maintain friendships as we grow up. My very best friend in the whole world lives a little over a mile away and I still don't see her nearly enough. We send each other the occasional text or funny meme and keep the conversation going for a while then we get back to the things in life that distract us from what truly matter most; our friendship.

I have several friends that I know I can call on and count on for anything. I have my sweet friend, Michelle that I can call on to meet me & my mom for lunch dates and craft festivals. I have my friend Kayla I can call on to have lunch with at The Farmer's Table and Andrea that I can call on for anything. Of course I have countless other girlfriends I can call on, too but it's much harder to keep those friendships alive with the balance of life these days but it's something i've been craving so much lately, as I strive to live an intentional and inspired life. I want girlfriends who inspire me and cheer me on, of course, but I also want girlfriends I can sit around my living room with, eating pizza and drinking wine in leggings, messy buns and no make up on. I want girlfriends who I can have deep conversations with and who challenge me to learn something new. Girlfriends who invite me to all their events and drag me out when I say no because, honestly, usually that's my anxiety speaking and I need someone to help me through it.

Here's the truth about friends, especially best friends, they're the relationships we tend to put on the back burner because they'll always be there when we're ready and they will but i'm craving so much more lately. The best times i've had lately, the most memorable times (aside from with my husband, son, and parents) are the times i've been with my girlfriends. The times i've stepped out of my comfort zones and said yes to their Christmas parties and girls days and lunch dates. My soul needs more of that.

I've really been pondering what it means to be a good friend and how to cultivate those friendships and how to really show up for each other. Friendships are a very vulnerable thing because we risk them not showing up for us and we risk having hurt feelings when they don't but it can honestly be one of the most beautiful things, too because when we show up for them and they show up for us we create such sweet memories together. It does get hard when you send out invites and constantly get a no back, I've been there recently with someone close to me but i'm learning to be patient with them. It doesn't mean they don't love me any less, they're just at a different place in life and that's okay, too. As hard as it is to take personal emotions out of it and keep sending the invites, even if you know they're not going to show up, it's part of growing and cultivating lasting relationships.

I'm no relationship guru but I do know that we have to put in what we want to get out of friendships and i've been guilty of not doing that. I want them to join me at my party but don't always follow through when it comes to joining them at theirs. Truthfully, we may think, "they won't notice if I don't show up" but honestly they do. We all do and it means the world to us when they do show up for us so why wouldn't it be the same vice versa? When I think of this I think of our wedding. My husband and I got married in Florida, we live in Georgia and we had over twenty people drive from Georgia and Illinois for our special day. Those are my people. They're our people and every time I think of our wedding, I think of them and what a blessing they are to us so if these people can drive from states away for our big day why can't I drive 10 minutes to see them?

Showing up is the best way we can show someone we love and care about them and sometimes, by showing up for them we come away with a new friendship or a new take on friends. I've never regretted saying yes to one of my friends. In fact, it's just the opposite. I walk away from our time together feeling calmer and more relaxed and tons more inspired so this year my focus is to say yes more invites and follow through, not to let my anxiety get in the way of me having a wonderful time with the best friends a girl could possibly ask for.

How do you show up for your friends?